It's Been Over A Month...

It has been over a month since my father died. We knew he was going to die, we simply did not know the exact moment. He had a disease called Lewy Body Dementia which is a sister to Alzheimer's. I used to explain to people that it was a cross between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, with the best of both (yes, that was sarcasm).

I think I am extremely lucky. I had the good fortune to be able to tell my father that I loved him before he died, and he was able to say goodbye to me. His good bye actually occurred the week before Thanksgiving while we were having a new washer/dryer delivered. The deliverymen were just hauling our new appliances off the truck when my father approached me.
"I don't think I'm going to be able to hang on much longer," he said, "It's just getting harder and harder, you know? Anyway, I want you to know that I love you, okay?" With that, he leaned down and kissed me.

Knowing that you are lucky does not dispel grief. I would very much like to say that I have been able to check off "grief" on my to-do list, but that would not honor my father or my family. So I am simply trying to allow the grief to happen and quietly move forward.